my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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