Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
