I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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