pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
