I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
