my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
