Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
