I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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