I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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