Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
