I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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