come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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