Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
