I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
