My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
