brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
