I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
