don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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