I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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