How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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