I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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