Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
