I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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