I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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