i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize