You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.