my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.