Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again