shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
