I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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