...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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