come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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