After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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