this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
