I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
