Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
