yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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