get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And then he peed in my hair
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