hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
