If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
40s are totally the cure
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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