I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
