Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
