Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
