what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
