I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
