This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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