I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
