She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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