based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.