i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.