Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove