Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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