When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
