Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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