she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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