he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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