My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
