Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
