I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
