the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
